Shut Up Janelle

Oh my gosh, like Janelle is SO full of it, like you don’t even know the stuff that comes out of her mouth. Most of the time I’m like ‘Janelle, shut UP’ in my head, but I don’t say it because she’s a total baby and she cries at, like anything. Ugh, like, I’m not even kidding; the teacher once showed us a clip from some stupid film about hatching tadpoles and Janelle cried because some of the tadpoles didn’t make it so now we call her Frog-Lover, but it’s fine because Janelle totally stole Lily’s foundation on school camp and then she said, in front of everyone, that Lily wears too much makeup and she looks like a clown, which is true but still, like…I hate her.

Now Janelle ‘knows’ someone who went to the Hairolympics and she’s going to some really well-rated hair salon in David Jones to get her hair done for free and I’m just like shut up Janelle, no one is actually buying it. Like, I wasn’t buying it your little friend Gracie said that she ‘won’ tickets to the Andy-Boyd Snebber musical Brats, when she clearly bought them, we can SEE the receipt in the background of the photo you put on Visage-Tome, Gracie, gosh. Now Janelle is getting a world-class hairdressing experience and I bet she’s going to come to school with her hair, like, a little bit straighter and having put in some conditioner that you can’t buy at the supermarket and she’ll be all like ‘look at my hair, losers!’ and if we say anything she’ll just call us haters and say we’re jelly, and like, we’re not jelly, Janelle…you’re lying. But Gracie and Ingrid will be all over you because they’re basically in love with you because your family has that beach house in Mornington, so whatever, why bother. I’m just gonna ignore her. Usually a good plan.

Like, I bet she doesn’t even know all the good hair salons. Melbourne has some of the most impressive hairdressers in the country and I know every single one. I bet she goes to some guy called Toby who only does guy haircuts. That’d explain a lot.

-Tina