Unicorns and Welding

I just wish these unicorns would leave me alone, but they think I’m the coolest guy in the world. It all started when I saw an advertisement for a welding course at the local TAFE, which claimed that welding is the number one career that attracts women. It made the staggering promise that girls would literally be swarming you once you had your Certificate III in Professional Welding. Of course, I thought that sounded like a great idea, and I was only working casually at a local restaurant anyway, so I decided to take the course.

Turns out, most women couldn’t care less about my recent studies on how to be a professional welder. Sure, I can complete good marine stainless fabrication around Melbourne, but I can’t get a girl to talk to me. Do you know what else I’ve gotten from this course and new career choice? Well, you should be able to work it out, given what I said at the start of this blog post. That’s right, girls might not care about my qualifications, but unicorns sure do. The thing is, these aren’t nice, pretty unicorns. They’re literally the worst. These unicorns like to play pranks and have drag races all day, which is kind of making me look like a jerk by hanging out with them. I wish they’d just leave me alone, but it’s not like I can get rid of my welding qualification.

The unicorns tell me they love hanging out with people who can install high-quality rod holders on a boat, which is why they like me. Sometimes they seem like good guys, but honestly, they smell pretty bad and just like annoying people. I need to get rid of them somehow. Maybe I can trick them into a drag race, send them off a ramp, high into the air, then blow up their car. They’ll never suspect a thing, and they won’t be around to confront me about the betrayal. Yeah, that’s probably a good plan.

Seriously, though, these unicorns have got to go.