Bah, Running!

Bah! These so-called ‘trousers’ are foolish inventions! My legs feel so enclosed; why would anyone discard the wonderful garment that is the robe? I feel like I might have raised undue suspicion at work by inquiring as to when people actually wear robes in this society, although I’m pretty sure my colleagues just assumed that …

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My Thatched Existence

Life is a drag. I’m just gonna stop doing it and go and live in the Bahamas. I can get a job selling coconuts, maybe giving guided tours around the island. They’ll be rich folks who’ll be there on holiday, and I’ll secretly laugh at them when they go back home  to a life of …

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Always Late

Okay, hang on…the clocks went back and no one TOLD me? I’ve just been an hour late to everything for the last couple of weeks? Wait, which way was it? I’ve asked the computer search thing and it says it’s supposed to be 8:30, and my watch says 7:30, so…the clocks went forward. Yep, I’ve …

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I Can Drive If I Want

The doctor said I shouldn’t be driving, which is an amateur mistake. I might have been more willing to listen if they said I CAN’T drive, but ha, your vague advice means nothing to me. I have places to go, clients to see, and I’m not going to be getting anything done just trundling around …

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Speak of Aluminium

Aluminium: need it have a point? Of course…aluminium has more points than anything. It’s one of the pointiest materials on the whole planet. You can use it to build spaceships, or toolboxes, or cutlery if you’re really into the idea. As for me, I drive an aluminium car, use aluminium foil for all of my …

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Glass Tinting Expert

Add another one to the list of ‘things that I’d like to do to my home that I probably never will’. the other girls are always asking me ‘why not just do it yourself? It’s 2018, get a bit of DIY on, girl!’ And I say ‘I have two kids and I’m a single mother, …

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Me and My Garden

If I had to tell you the main reason I started working from home, I’d probably say that it was the fact that I could sit outside. Most offices don’t allow that sort of thing; you’re trapped behind glass all day with the air conditioning turned up too high. I didn’t mind taking a hit …

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Car Climate Control

Next time I take my car in for a service, I’m asking if I can get an upgrade to my heating and cooling. I don’t care what it takes and I don’t care if it contravenes the international conventions; I just want it done. Unfortunately, all of the garages in Ringwood do roadworthy certificates, and …

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Rats Aren’t Mean

Context is key, and rats are scary. Michael was just allowed to get a rat, because he’s the youngest and Mum and Dad are super soft on him all the time. I’m not allowed to go out on Saturday night to Hurricane, even though I’ve SAID that it’s not one of those gross clubs where …

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Everyone Needs a Boat

Why is it that sports always reward things that don’t have a purpose? Like, is physical activity for the sake of itself really so wonderful? It’s great that you can plant a pole in the ground and hurl yourself over a bar, but…that’s not going to be useful, ever, period. Jumping a long distance in …

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